As I sit down to fill up the board forms of my 58 students, I am filled with so many emotions! This might be the last time I am doing something for them. This maybe the last time when they need me. This maybe the last time I am yelling my lungs out at them for not bringing things in time. This maybe the last time to so many things that it just scares me. What after this?
I have done my bit in the past two years. Somedays I have gone beyond my means, and sometimes I let things be even when I could have done better. We have spent a lot of time together, set some insane goals and worked towards them. I don’t know if we will ever be able to achieve those. But, we are trying.
It was never all joy for me to work with them and vice versa but to see the growth of this bunch, it has been an absolute joy! The thought of not having to wake up with a time table in my mind to follow, a test to conduct and to put some pants on fire, scares me. Not having them around to constantly challenge me and remind me I am not old enough to sit amongst the teachers when they dance their heart out, makes me feel old already.
Not all of them were constants to me and vice versa. Relationships changed over these two years. I added and deleted some friends over the two years. I made new friends to share my tiffin with, new friends to feed me with chocolates and new friends to comfort me on the rough days. I lost some friendships. I lost friends who made my family theirs, I lost friends who inspired me and motivated me, I lost friends who filled my heart with nothing but love. But that’s a part of life I guess. You gain something and lose something.
These two years have made me feel like a parent, a teacher, a friend, a sister and a demon! Together, we have solved cases! Together, we have convinced parents to let us play cricket, we have fought for our right to study and got ourselves a classroom; together we have danced, sang, cracked lame jokes and laughed at them. We’ve sat together lending and borrowing an ear when needed. We have done so much together!We have given each other a piece of ourself and trusted them with it.
I don’t know what lies ahead. I don’t know if 4 months, 4 years or 4 decades later I will feel the exact same feeling or emotion when I re-read this. All I know is that right now, it feels like giving away a part of me that I saved with me for two years. It feels like letting go of your favourite part of the day. And to be honest, its difficult.
Until next time….